Thinking About Suicide
76For the past several years and for a variety of reasons, suicide has been of interest to me. Now, no worries, I am not suicidal, but after watching the documentary The Bridge a few months back and having a conversation with my wife last night, I felt inclined to write this hub.
Suicide is one of those things we don't talk much about as a society. In this hub, I don't care to get into the debate surrounding assisted suicide or whether or not we should allow, as a society, people to commit suicide. Rather, I wonder how many people have ever thought about killing themselves. I thought that most people have at least entertained the idea of taking their own life. But, my wife has told me that she has never even had the thought cross her mind. This led to what I find to be an interesting discussion.
I have on numerous occasions thoughts about suicide. Never attempted it and highly doubt that I ever will. One of the reasons is simply because, probably thanks to my anxiety, I am real worried about what happens after one kills oneself. I told my wife that if I were to seriously consider killing myself I would have to know for certain that once I was dead, that was it. Fade to black. I am shut off... nothing happens, or at least nothing bad. My fear is that as punishment for killing yourself you are tortured in some fashion for the rest of your second life. And I don't mean by God because I don't believe. I just mean that some entity out there, some higher power might be set aside to respond to suicide this way: "So you thought it was so bad that you had to go and kill yourself... well, you ain't seen nothing yet." And then this omnipresent bastard pokes you with a needle, burns you with a cigarette, or makes you listen to Bruce Springsteen's new record over and over again. I think you get the point.
My wife, though, argued just the opposite. Her concern would be that upon a suicide death there is nothing. Just darkness. No afterlife. We have had a good conversation around this. But I just don't get it. if you are inclined to commit suicide, wouldn't you want there be nothing once the deed is done? Isn't that the whole point - to simply end the suffering, to be done with the world? Or is the point to find a better place? I guess this is where religion or spirituality or simply believing that something better lies ahead enters the picture. And I guess for the suicidal, this optimism is simply not there. Same goes for non-suicidal depressives, pessimists, and the like.
Although the documentary The Bridge is not directly related to this conversation it covers like-minded ground, particularly what drives a person to go so far as to take their own life? And the fear of what will happen to you when and after you do it is considered. Not just emotionally and second-life wise, though. Another thing that would hold me back is not being sure of what will happen to me. This is one reason why The Bridge was interesting to me. First I lived in San Francisco and adore the Golden Gate Bridge. But, more so, people who want to commit suicide apparently flock to that landmark thinking it is an easy exit. I won't be graphic with the gory details, but whether you succeed or not, death via a jump over that bridge is not pretty. In fact it sounds like a downright terrifying experience, and if, for some reason, you live it sounds worse than terrifying, whatever that is.
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Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco
This series from the San Francisco Chronicle is well-worth reading. It hits the issue from several angles and was partially inspired by The Bridge and the debate over the suicide barrier that will be erected at the Golden Gate Bridge.
San Francisco Chronicle series on suicide at the Golden Gate Bridge
I would enjoy a discussion on that central question, though - if you were to think along such morbid lines... would you rather know that there was nothing after a suicide death OR would you rather have the uncertainty that freaks me out OR would you rather know that something lies ahead for you in the second life, even if it's not much more fun than your first stab at existence.
Also, I realize this is a morbid, touchy topic that some folks would rather not talk about. I appreciate that, but honestly I think it's one of many things that we need to talk about more, namely in American society. If we did, I think we could actually save plenty of lives.
And I must note, if you are suicidal, PLEASE CLICK HERE!
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I have thought of suicide although I would never do it, it is when I get in a very deep depressed state I believe that if I did that then I would be in a better place. However what has stopped me from doing it, is my family , my son and life in general. I ask myself what would my patients do without me? How would my son handle it if mommy were gone? What would my husband do? My pets? Mom, sisters, friends etc. Then I come back to reality and realize it is only the demons that pick at your mind, when the going gets tough and that God puts you back in check with how important life is to not just yourself, but to others as well. Committing suicide is a sin from what I understand but I can't recall where it is written in the Bible. Anyways enough of my babbling but I did think of it a little while ago, and got a reality check quite quickly. This article also reminded me that all of us at one time or another have thought about it, and 99% of us never follow through. I have anoth 60 years here so I am looking forward to the Golden Years. :)
I agree the topic needs to be talked about more, even if to tell folks who are thinking about it they are not alone.
I'm with bgpappa on this one. It is a good subject for discussion
I basically agree with everyone... and AEvans says it best. I agree with all of those things... and when I get down I think of those things... or even beyond family and friends... it's nice doing those little things - like feeling a cool breeze in the hot sun when you ride your bike. Everyone has a way to get a rush or enjoys SOMEthing. Imagine not being able to do that anymore cuz you pulled your own plug? Letting the little things trump the big unanswerables or big problems - that's the trick. It's not easy, but it's worth working at.
i think about it all the time, but i dont obcess about suicide. I am a single father and suicide is just not an option. I does scare me to think about what I would do if my son were gone. ???
I could not imagine and you are so right it is certainly worth working at it, and I wasn't ashamed to talk about it. In this world today and all the stresses we endure I can only feel the pain of others and what was really wonderful composed, is right now today , at this moment you may have saved someone's life out in internet land, I see you also gave a hotline number which was wonderful. In the E.R. I have seen many close suicidal calls and others where it was just to late, from the very young to the very old it is so sad and nobody in the medical profession is immuned to those thoughts as so many believe that we are Gods and we carry a heavy load everytime we clock in. I love doing what I do best, but life sometimes does get the best of me, and I am so glad that you wrote this article as it is like a breath of fresh air and again like I said in my previous comment I have another 60 years.:)
I'm one of those who has honestly never considered suicide as an option for myself. I don't know if that is perhaps because I lost loved ones to suicide at a young age - maybe that's it. I do remember thinking in my earlier years that I would be punished for the "unforgiveable sin" if I committed suicide, but as I grew older and shed some of my more conservative religious upbringing, that's really not it for me anymore. Maybe I'm just fortunate that no matter how awful life has ever seemed, running away seemed more beneficial than ending it all....and I'm not one who encourages running away from one's problems...or at least I don't want to think I am. Wow. It might be way too late at night for me to be commenting on this. I'll never get to sleep tonight!
Great topic for a philosophical discussion -- and not quite so controversial that you're likely to bring out the loonies. Or maybe, you will -- bring them on!
Anyway, it would make a very interesting study to talk to people who had attempted suicide. My guess (semi-educated) is that suicide is seen as a means of ending an intolerable, painful existence. It's an act of supreme negativity and self-negation. It's not about hoping to go somewhere better, it's about stopping the awfulness of the here and now. That's (IMHO) the majority of what we see/hear about. Desperation-driven suicide.
But, having said that, there are obviously people who commit suicide based on their belief in the hereafter. Suicide bombers who think they're going somewhere with a bunch of virgins, for example.
Personally, I've thought about it and even thought about the best way to do it. But in the end, my conscience is too well developed. Like the sentiments expressed above, I wouldn't be able to leave my dependents like that. Too selfish.
MM - the suicide bomber angle is very interesting. I have always thought about their motivations, etc. A hub in and of itself!
i really did contemplate attempting once. but when i look back, i blame testosterone overdrive and j.d. salinger. but i'm okay now, a little narcissism does help. thanks for sharing this very interesting hub. :D
Suicide, man does that bring back horrible memories. I can understand why someone would think about suicide and plans it out and all.
Thanks for this hub, and the questions it brings about. I have lost several friends in my earlier part of life due to their suicides. I have to admit that I have thought about it early in my life. I guess I dismissed the idea as being too selfish. Although I desperately wanted out of the pain, I did not feel right about the pain I would cause others if I was to take my own life. This is a really good hub, and I agree it should be discussed more.
I think this was a great hub. I too am one of those people the think outside the box, sometimes venturing into the an area that could be considered morbid. I think if there was a real understanding, (not just faith based), of what happens when we die, there would be more suicides. What I mean by that, is if really there is a Hell, someone who is in so much pain in life, might decide to take their chances here.
I'm trying to imagine nothingness, and I can't. But I think that's what death is. for some of us. There is so much about the world we just don't know. People a long time ago couldn't even imagine what those tiny point of light in the sky are. There might be a life after death right in front of our faces that we don't see.
So why not kill yourself? Probably because of those little things in everyday life. A juicy burger, your favorite show, playing with your kids, talking with your wife, hearing the ice cube clink around in your favorite drink. If there is something left to enjoy, there might be a reason to stick around. If not, some might chose to take there chances on the other side... whatever that is.
What excellent thoughts. Thanks! I need to think a bit more so I can respond in-kind!!
I have attempted. It was many years ago and my life was falling down around me. Even then, in my early twenties, I couldn't imagine going on. I believed in the hereafter -- specifically in karma and reincarnation. I figured I would have to deal with the consequences of my decision to kill myself but that it would give me a chance to make completely different choices, to start over. That's how I saw suicide then: an opportunity to "start over."
I'm a Christian now and it's different. I believe that there is something that comes after for us and I believe that it is heaven or hell (and no in between). I cannot bring myself to believe in nothing -- it's just too frightening for me. If there is nothing in the hereafter then I would feel that I have lived my life for nought. And THAT is the thought which, for me, makes suicide appealing.
Maybe I'm strange like that, I don't know.
The good news is that I'm no longer suicidal, though psychiatrists classify me as such because of the past attempts. I no longer self-mutilate or anything of that nature, either. No additional piercings since I turned 25 either :)
Wow, composed, I could have commented on any of your posts - they all line up so well with my outlook on life (I found your hubpages through your fantastic article on hipsters), but I figured I might as well comment on this one, as it was getting a lot of action. I'm in high school (I'm actually at it right now, taking an online psychology class, of all things...) and I've always been fascinated by the concept of suicide, and it makes me think back to all the parallels that have been drawn between mental illness and genius.
Personally speaking, when I feel really down, so down that I can't create the art that I love, I think to myself "what the hell am I doing here, right now?" Usually that self-awareness sparks me to sit back and take the whole situation in. Okay, it's never really a fix for the bumness, but it at least gets your mind thinking. I think back to all those autonomy fantasies I had as a little kid; running around in a tree house or something in the woods without any of the pressures from the world bringing me down and it makes me realize what the real problem is: getting out there and doing what it is you want to do. Finding an audience for your art. And then I still feel bummed out, but I say to myself "If I feel so bad that I want to die, why can I not just go ahead and spice up my life a bit - since I'm going to die (if not from suicide, by other causes) anyway."
To kill oneself at a young age makes me cringe. I hope I don't sound too disillusioned when I say this, but I feel like hope could really cure so many problems. If I see a kid feeling bad, I don't always say something to make them feel better (and I kick myself later for it), but if I could I would say: "Find something you like and do it. Really do it. THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING YOU." So many smiles that you see (and give) everyday are a defense mechanism, trying to brush off the pain. There's no way around that right now - it's a cultural thing. Maybe instead of asking "how are you?" and expecting the inevitable "I'm okay, and you?" we should say something meaningful, like, "read any good books/articles lately?" or "I wish I saw you more often." It's just my two cents of course, but I've got to hand it to you, compsed, I am blown away by your sensitivity to such a diverse range of subjects. It's a nice inspiration to a kid (and thousands more) who, deep down, just want a lttle bit of hope to hold onto.
Thanks for the nice comments, Ed. Not sure what to say really. So, I will just leave it at 'thanks' until I think of something more profound!
I agree with you on the very superficial way we communicate as well. It would be nice if we actually, even if just for a minute, took a true interest in the people we encounter each day. I guess as our lives are structured that might not be possible. And that's too bad.
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goldentoad 3 years ago
as a teenager, I didn't care if I died, but as I got older I said I never wanted to, but never did I think, I would want to kill myself, but I can say I have always been curious to the question....what's next?